80-81 – Rangers make No. 162 relevant with 6-2 win over Twins in No. 161

Earlier this month, the Rangers saw their leadoff hitter and most potent bat against right handers go down with a broken wrist. A few days later, their best and most reliable starting pitcher over the second half hit the shelf for the rest of the year. Last night, Texas' most clutch and consistent hitter broke his wrist as well, ending his season.

Today, on a rain slick Target Field in Minneapolis, creaky veteran Brandon Nimmo slipped or tripped and limped to his position. Substitute infielder Nicky Lopez later spent a half inning trying to work out the kinks from an awkward landing trying to beat out a bunt. He was later lifted.

Jake Burger was kicked off the team for refusing to shave his goatee. Corey Seager developed gigantism due to overindulging on nerve tonic. Poor Danny Jansen succumbed to radiation poisoning as a result of working a side gig at an experimental data center. Cursed with toxic narcissistic tendencies, Wyatt Langford missed the team flight after playing hero trying to save a neighbor's possessions from a burning house. Evan Carter disappeared after making a visit to the Duluth Mystery Spot tourist trap. Jacob Latz fit the description of a wanted murderer and now awaits justice in a St. Paul jail cell. Ezequiel Duran was knocked out debating historical English politics at a bar in Shakopee. Trying to shake bouts of confidence issues, Jacob deGrom was hypnotized into believing he's a chicken by a quack team psychologist.